


Dearly Departed

by shanisafan



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Reddie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-03-31 22:32:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13984689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shanisafan/pseuds/shanisafan
Summary: “Hi Dad. Sorry I haven’t been to visit lately. There’s really no excuse besides not making the time. Or maybe I’ve been avoiding coming by because of what I’m struggling with. I have something important to tell you. Except I’m really scared to admit it aloud.”





	Dearly Departed

Eddie opened the gate to the cemetery and slowly made his way down the path. He took his time to look at the tombstones, not feeling rushed just a little jittery. Each grave was in a different state of deterioration. Some were so old the names could no longer be read. Others were fresh and newly put in. Both gave him the creeps no matter how many times he came here.

He arrived at the grave he was visiting and stared at it with a feeling of dread. Not for the grave itself, he had this tombstone memorized. If he could draw, he would be able to color and shade it in its entirety with ease. He could outline every weathered crack in the stone. He took good care of it now, but it went five years without being visited and suffered the harsh Maine rain, snow, and sleet. 

He felt dread because he was going to have a big talk today. His stomach was churning horribly. Partially because he knew it was foolish to get anxious when he was speaking to a grave but also because the subject matter was not an easy one.

Eddie kneeled down in the grass to rearrange the flowers, so they looked more presentable. The church must have left them at some point. He glanced at the carefully carved name 'Frank Kaspbrak' then let his eyes drift across the quote below: ‘To die will be an awfully big adventure.’

He sat down, brought his knees to his chest, took a deep breath and said, “Hi Dad. Sorry I haven’t been to visit lately." He rocked back and forth a little subconsciously.

"There’s really no excuse besides not making the time. Or maybe I’ve been avoiding coming by because of what I’m struggling with. I have something important to tell you. Except I’m really scared to admit it aloud.” He began picking at the grass for something to do with his hands.

“I’ve tried so hard not to feel this way. Forcing feelings for others I don’t really have. Avoiding the subject with my friends. I am pretty alone here, daddy.” His voice sounded small and scared like he was 10 years old again. That’s when he came to the cemetery at his old church to visit for the first time.

It was around then that people started implying he wasn’t manly enough and lacking a father was the reason. This convinced Eddie to try visiting the grave and imagining conversations he would have with his father. They turned real after he got beat up and just needed to rant about it to someone who wasn’t a friend or his mother. He always left feeling a lot better when he spoke to him. Although, today he might end up leaving upset.

“I know how our church feels about people like who I think...who I know I am. They aren’t very kind on the subject. Which is honestly bullshit because I am not doing anything wrong. I just don’t like who I am supposed to like. Who am I harming?” He said the last sentence at the church in the background. Glaring at it, waiting for an explanation he would never receive.

Then he focused back on the grave, “Our church says I can’t go to heaven if these feelings don’t go away. If that’s true and that’s where you are then I want to keep fighting against them. Because there is no one in this world or gone from this world that I want to see again more than you. The thought that I wouldn’t be able to sometimes consumes me to the point of panic attacks. It’s just...not fair.” Now he was really sounding childish. He tried to compose himself but decided there was really no point. No one else was around. It was just him and his father.

He ran both his hands through his hair frustratedly, “Ma isn’t going to take it well. You know that as well as I do. There is nothing I can do about that. She treats me like a child when I am 14 years old. In 4 years I’ll be a man! She means well and I know you hate it when I talk badly about her, but she is so exhausting dad. She tries to protect me too much, controlling me, keeping me away from my friends...oh god. My friends. They might be alright with it. I really have no idea. I love each of them so much…”

Eddie couldn’t help himself from wanting to talk about them. To talk about anything other than why he came to the grave today. “...They all make me laugh so hard and are incredible. Ben with his powerful loyalty. Mike with his strong and steady presence. Bill, he’s been my friend the longest as you know, I could write a book about how much he means to me even though he is more a writer than me. Stanley keeps me sane through every crazy or horrible thing I go through. Beverly is a breath of fresh air and probably the only girl I love as much as Ma. Then there is Richie. You’ve heard plenty of times when he drives me absolutely batshit. But I love him. He knows me better than I know myself. He loves me more than I could ever love myself, too. I haven’t told him this big part of me because I am terrified of losing him. Of losing all of them. And I know they are going to see me as changed because I have changed. I’m just hoping in a good way.”

Eddie paused and listened to some birds chattering. The air was still, yet cold. It gave him goosebumps. “We don’t talk about these sorts of things. No one in this town talks about it, so how am I supposed to even really know. Right? But I do know.”

“I’m worried you won’t love me anymore. I don’t know why I’m worried about the love of someone who has left us, but I am. Your opinion has always been important to me.”

Eddie took a huge breath and let it out slowly. “You’ve probably figured it out by now. I am gay.” Everything was still then a random gust of wind blew and Eddie felt engulfed by the sensation of being cold but his heart was warm. It was as if someone had hugged him. Not a physical hug, but one around his very soul. He stood up slowly, brought his hand to his mouth kissing it then brushed that hand over his father’s name.

“Thanks, dad. I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Leave me a comment! And if you have a suggestion for something Eddie should talk about with his father, let me know. I want to make this a mini story.  
> Come say hi [tumblr: richiefuckingtozier](https://richiefuckingtozier.tumblr.com)  
> 


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